Get Your Geek On!

Life is funny.  

I was just saying to my wife that I need to make some time to write this week, but it just hasn't been there.  No time.  It's not a new problem, we all have it.  Life gets in the way and can distract you from something important. Like this silly little blog.  It has become important to me and it was bothering me that I had not made time to come up with some good stuff and I didn't want to half ass something.  

I had decided that I would get recharged after this weekend.  I'll be back home for the first time since this idea launched and I'll get to see the Super Six in person.  I was sure I would have something good after that.  But still, there would be no new reading this week for the Questers (that's the name I just came up with to call fans of this blog.  You are Questers!)

Just then, Mike sends me a txt saying he has another blog to donate to the cause.  Right when we needed it. Perfect timing.  Well played, Universe.  Well played.

Take it away, Mike.

I am a numbers guy.  I have always liked math and there is a reason I am an actuary and not an English teacher.  Sometimes you just go with your strengths and don’t paddle against the current (Like that canoeing analogy?).  Today’s blog is about numbers so let’s get to them.

I recently read an article where the author asked, “How old would you be if you did not know your age?”  In other words, how old do you feel? I thought back to this question recently after attending Greg’s 30^th birthday party.  As we talked about the upcoming adventure we realized that our youngest member (Greg) is older than our predecessor’s oldest member (Dad at 29).  I am not sure if this means anything, but where did the time go and how did we get around to embarking on this adventure 20 years later than we should have?

Sometime during my youth I saw an article in the Sunday paper’s Parade Magazine about a method of approximating some unknown number.  I wish I could remember the name of the man or his theory but time and/or bourbon have taken those from me.  Anyway, he theorized that you could derive a fairly good estimate by making several assumptions and his premise was that the bad assumptions would cancel each other out. The example he used was a determination of the number of piano tuners in Chicago.  He started with the population of Chicago then made assumptions such as, what percentage of the population owned a piano, how often does a piano need to be tuned, what does it cost to tune a piano, how much must a piano tuner make in a year to survive, and so on.  Don’t recall his answer (probably the bourbon again) but he counted the number of piano tuners listed in the Yellow Pages and found that he was fairly close.

I have undertaken a similar estimate for our upcoming trip.  We figure that we have 120 - 130 miles to cover.  If we can paddle in a straight line it will be closer to 120.  If our tracking looks like Billy Joel and Lindsay Lohan trying to drive Mark’s 72 Datsun pickup then the distance will be closer to 130 miles.  Using some estimates of travel speed, paddling rate, and time on the river I believe that we are going to paddle approximately 130,000 times during the trip.  This is not a combined figure, it is 130,000 each.  

I don’t know how many numbers there are in the universe, but I am sure it is a lot.  So how do we get to know the number 130,000?  I will try to quantify it.  For example, it would take a person almost 356 years to see 130,000 sunsets.  If you eat 3 times a day it would take you almost 119 years to enjoy 130,000 meals.  A few blogs ago we learned that Greg’s primary concern for the trip is beer.  If Greg were to drink a six-pack of beer every day it would take him over 59 years to drink 130,000 beers.  Then, if Greg decided to stack his empty cans on top of each other the tower would be over 10 miles high.

So, I am not sure if 130,000 is a big number but I am pretty positive it is.  To answer the question I opened with, my guess is that we will all feel like we are 25 years old when we start our journey and feel like 75 when we finish.  All we can do is pack the Icy-Hot and Advil and hope we don’t complete the trip as Grumpy Old Men.

Yay. Rain...

 "I don't think the heavy stuff's gonna come down for quite awhile." - Carl Spackler

We have a rain noise maker in our house.  You turn it on and it is an endless loop of gentle rain sounds that help you drift off into a peaceful slumber.  This morning as I lie in bed half awake listening to the rain maker I realized two things.  One, the rain sounds help you to stay in bed as well (or maybe even better!) than helping you fall asleep.  Two, it wasn't on.  I was hearing real rain.  Steady,  all day kinda rain.  It hasn't rained much yet this spring and I hadn't really thought about it too much.  Rain.

Bigfoot, bears, snakes and amorous hillbillies aside, rain is what I am most concerned about.   Not just getting wet either.  Not that I'm looking forward to that at all.  It's the morale drain that rain can bring.  If it rains on us the first two days then we still have two days of rain, and that is a lot of damn rain!

My only real memory of the original trip is sitting in a car at a boat launch.  The windows are fogged up and it is a straight downpour.  Out of the foggy rain soaked haze one canoe, then two, silently cut through the water and slowly paddle to the dock.  No fan fare of any kind.  I remember some of us were hoping we'd get to go for a ride in the boats...

Mike, Mark and myself to be exact.  I'm sure we discussed our whole plan while at Sunday School.  When we weren't learning about Jesus at Sunday School the three of us were usually up to no good.  Keep in mind our mothers tried.  A lot.  Unfortunately, the call of some unexplored area around the little country church that required planning and usually some hand drawn map or the torment of some pre-teen girls was just too much temptation to resist... especially for Mark.

Back to the boat dock:  As we all waited for our spin around the river in the canoes, I'm certain we were all just running endlessly at the mouth describing the bravado and "daring do" that was about to commence.  Until we saw them.  Rarely as a child was I silent.  The somber beer-less quartet made their way to dry land and the crowd was hushed.

THAT is what I want to avoid.  Four days of misery.  I know we have been discussing it and even expecting it but, even still, I hope for dry-ish weather.  Because draped in a trash bag wearing swimming trunks is NOT how I want to meet Bigfoot!


Carl Spackler was Bill Murray's character from the movie  Caddy Shack.

Bucket List?

I couldn't be happier to introduce my first ever Guest Blogger!  Ladies and Gentleman, my fellow ill advised canoeist and cousin,  Mike.

 

I want to start by thanking Patrick for allowing me this opportunity to guest blog.  I appreciate it, Cuz!

My second order of business is to straighten out an ill guided misconception.  We have a running email chain used for a mix of communication, planning and taking pot shots at each other.  As I write this we are just under three months from our trip.  We have two of our three needed canoes, a trailer for hauling the canoes, transportation arrangements, supply lists and some of the Deliverance characters have been assigned.  However, let’s straighten out one thing from the email chain.  I do not want to see Greg in a Speedo and I certainly do not want to see him naked.  There, I feel better!

Since The Bucket List came out in 2007, I have wondered what the appropriate age for starting a bucket list is.  If you start it too early the list will be too long and overwhelming.  If you start it too late then you do not have enough time to cross-off all of your items.  As an actuary, there is a common misconception that I have insight into this matter.  While I can tell you when you are supposed to die, only the good Lord knows when you are actually going to die.  Sorry folks, no help here.

I am coming to realize that we don’t always start our bucket list; sometimes it is started for us.  Like in the movie, diagnosis of a terminal illness is certainly one of these situations.  Sometimes the stars simply align and suddenly you are knee deep into your list.  I believe this second scenario is happening to me.

The summer of 2013 may see three items get crossed off my list.

• While doing the canoe trip has been mentioned many times in the past, we are finally going to make it happen.  Cross off -1.
• Beth and I are not “cruise people” so we decided years ago that if we do a cruise we are going to do an Alaska cruise.  Later this summer, this item will get crossed off the list as well.  Cross off – 2.
• This past Christmas, in lieu of gifts, I asked for money to put towards another one of my dreams.  Sometime before the leaves turn this fall I am going to jump out of an airplane.  Cross off – 3.

Perhaps other forces are at work here as well.  As most of you know, the ‘Uncle Bruce’ that Patrick mentioned in his initial blog is my Dad.  He loved to canoe, so much so that at one point in time we owned not only one, but two canoes.  The canoe I will be using is actually Dad’s.  When I bought our first camping trailer (about 10 years ago) I asked Dad if I could borrow the canoe to take along on those camping trips.  At the end of the summer when I mentioned that I would be bringing it back, he simply said, “Keep it, if I need it I will come get it.”  That canoe, along with Dad’s golf clubs (borrowed/given in a similar manner), are two of my most prized possessions.

I believe that this trip will be a microcosm of life.  Uncle Harry and Uncle Jim have both warned us that parts of the trip are going to suck.  It may rain, it may be hot or it may be cold.  Only time will tell.  I believe much of the trip will be enjoyable and as long as the good outweighs the bad that is all you can ask for.  I have faith that this will hold true because this family certainly knows how to have fun.  Any time we are all together laughter is often a dominate component of our gathering.  One of my lasting memories of Dad comes from this past year’s Family Christmas Party.  We were telling school bus stories when I commented about Mom’s (sorry Mom) bus driver smacking the horse across the ass before they had a chance to sit down.  Amidst the deafening roar of laughter I looked across the room to see Dad almost doubled over as he was laughing so hard.  This is one of the images that I will carry forever.

Part of me wishes we had done this trip while Dad was still alive so he could see his two sons retrace his steps.  However, I have no doubt that he will be with us.  Given his poor heath these last few years perhaps it is actually better this way.  Now, he can enjoy the entire trip instead of simply observing it from a car or truck on the banks of the river.

In closing, there are three things I hope for from this trip:

·         First and foremost, I hope we all survive.  Don’t worry, I have reviewed the mortality tables and we are in good shape.

·         Second, I hope that we create memories and stories that are told and retold for many years to come.

·         Lastly, I hope we make Dad laugh.